The Pope and the Jackal
by GodOfImagination98
Summary: Anubis decides to kill the pope. Thoth spills some major secrets. Things are a lot more chaotic than Ma'at likes. CURRENTLY ON HIATUS, sorry.
1. Chapter 1

Sadie Kane here. I know, our last recording and all that, but things have a nasty habit of turning nasty whenever we feel too normal.

After the Apep incident (long story, but we call him Apep instead of Apophis now), everything sort of settled down. A message or two from the gods now and then, a mischievous magician gone bonkers, but no Setne. The entire House of Life and the Godly Council were getting very, very nervous. Some say he was killed or driven insane by a failed experimental spell, but the majority was still looking for traces that weren't there. As much as I hate to admit it, I was getting scared, too.

When we were't wasting our time fretting about Setne, we lead fairly normal lives, like the day when Anubis tried to kill the Pope. Things were getting pretty ugly, and would have resulted in revealing our identities to the whole world if Isis hadn't stepped in.

It all started on a very normal afternoon. Carter was talking with Anubis, whom I had brought over to Brooklyn House after...well...let's just say a date. Carter said he needed to do some history homework involving Egypt. Meanwhile, I was drawing crayon portraits of the Set animal, because Shelby asked me to. (I do not, nor do I want to know why.) As I added my finishing touches to a hilariously garbed, very ugly, and over-lipsticked God of evil, I could hear the conversation suddenly freezing from Carter and Anubis's direction. I turned to see Carter cautiously shaking the shoulder of a very stunned-looking Anubis; his expression looked like he'd taken a dive in Antarctica. He started walking towards the door. Carter shouted "Wait!" and ran after him, only to find that he had disintergrated into a pile of toilet paper. (Yes, Carter dear, of course I knew it was linen. And no, I do not actually use linen for toilet paper. Now shut up.)

"Oh no. Oh nononono..." Carter moaned. Everybody looked in our direction.

"Well, what did you do this time?" I demanded. As stupid as Carter was, he seemed to have realized he'd done something wrong. Well, duh. Anubis had looked as shocked as Bast when I told her all the catnip in the world was gone, back on April Fool's day. She had this _you will die Sadie Kane _look on her face for the following month, the same look Anubis was wearing now. Except I wasn't the one he wanted dead. Hardly a relief._  
_

"I was so stupid!" Carter muttered.

"That was one of the wisest things you said in your lifetime," I said angrily, my voice echoing in the silence. "Explain!"

"I-" He gulped, seeming to realize the full magnitude of what he had started. So what did he start?

"I told him about Mo- I mean, moments when you were, um, recording, Sadie, and, well...some of the, you know, more, um, _not _nicer things you said about him..."

Judging from the fact that his sentences weren't usually as butchered by commas and '...' s (Well, maybe when in front of Zia), I guessed he was lying. On the contrary, the rest of Brooklyn House was stifling laughs. Probably, they had been convinced that I would butcher his body later to go with his speech, and they were partly correct.

When everybody returned to what they had been doing, Carter hissed "Psst!" and beckoned at me to follow.

I followed him upstairs. When we were out of earshot, I cast an anti-eavesdropping spell to be safe, and sat down with Carter.

"Sadie, I think I might have triggered a big situation here..." He looked very scared. "Please don't kill me."

I started to say "Why? What did-" When I felt the presence of Isis fill my mind.

My, how long it had been. The feeling of a divine entity several thousand years older and many times more powerful than you inhabiting your private space is just bloody wierd. I rolled my eyes. 'What?'

Isis chuckled. 'I would have expected a _hello _at least. I just happened to detect one of my more... important, permanent incantations being lifted around here.'

I frowned. Having been her host a few times, I immediately recognized that mood. She was trying to act calm, but failing badly. Ugh, if she'd been an actress, she would have been absolutely horrid.

Carter nudged me. "Who is it?"

"Isis." I replied. "Looks of it, one of her spells, an important one, was lifted around here, and she wants our help."

I could see the cogs turning in Carter's head as I replied.

'Sadie, we need to go NOW.' Isis said in my head. She wasn't hiding her urgency now. Across the table, I could see the final gears and levers coming to a conclusion and blinking 'Aha!' in Carter's eyes. Sure enough, he snapped his fingers with that look on his face.

"Why? What?" I said. As usual, I was ignored. (Yes, you did, Carter. Go die in a hole.)

He looked at me and said, "Isis, it's about Anubis, isn't it?"

I froze. What? In my head, I could feel Isis freezing as well.

'What does he mean, Isis? What happened to Anubis?' I wondered. She seemed to sigh.

'Well, I knew I couldn't hide it from you for long. But first, we need to get going; I'll explain on the way.'

I decided to punch him later. We strapped Freak to the boat, and headed toward Isis's rainbow portal.

* * *

**Oh crappicino. The ending sounds horribly like a My Little Pony thingie.**

**Am I the only one here who likes deadmau5? **

**Please review. It will be a great improvement to your life and the fate of the world.**


	2. Chapter 2

("Sadie, I think Cleo is calling you fro downstairs.")

(What? I'm still recording.)

("She said something about Anubis, I think.")

(O RLY?!)

* * *

(GARBLED YELLING NOISES IN BACKGROUND)

Yes! I conquered the recorder! Now, where were we...

(go away, Sadie. People don't like your voice.)

As Sadie's walnut brain tried to process what was happening, I had it all figured out. Well, that's a bit obvious, actually, since I started it and all.

Back at Brooklyn house, when Sadie and Shelby were beautifying Set, I was talking to Anubis on a school history project. Namely, that horrible time when Egypt decided to keep Hebrew slaves. The class was divided into ten groups, and each group was supposed to do detailed research on each of the ten plagues. I, along with a few other guys, was on the last team, the death of the firstborn. Now, all I needed to do was find one of our immortal friends to retell the story. I considered Dad, Horus, Bast, Bes, and the lot, but they were all unavailable. Then Sadie dragged in Anubis, god of death - Bingo! I couldn't have asked for better.

I fetched my notebook and pencil, and we talked. I asked about Moses himself, but Anubis said he hadn't met him. Pity. But since the moment I mentioned the subject of Moses, he frowned as if he had found something really disturbing. Maybe he had caught a glimpse of the Shelby-rendered portrait of Set? Anyway, we were interrupted by someone at the door, someone from the 149th (or was it the 194th?) Nome, delivering some kind of important package, and by the time I got back, Anubis was staring off into empty space like he had been doing it for his whole life.

I shook his shoulder, hard. He ignored me, stood up, and walked away.

So, can you see what happened? The last plague God brought upon Egypt killed thousands, and despite being a god of death, he must have been under tremendous grief, seeing all those innocent children dead. I'm assuming he tried to assault Moses, the Hebrews, or even the christian religion. Maybe even God (with a capital G) himself. That would have been a major disaster, if Isis hadn't intervened and shushed it up. I think she bound his memories about the whole thing up, or something similar.

Anyway, the spell had weakened as time passed, and when I reminded Anubis of that day, He had managed to break it. Now he's off to avenge the innocent firstborn of Egypt. On God. I wasn't sure if such a being could exist at all, but I was pretty sure that didn't matter.

Isis had taken a seat beside us on our boat, and looked more nervous than any of us had ever seen her before. She kept glancing here and there, twiddling her thumbs and tracing random hieroglyphs in the air like _firstborn. sorrow. fury. Anubis. _and _Moses__. _I remembered Dad telling me once that Moses was written in hieroglyphs as 'Birth', as in Tut_moses. _Ironic, really. Birth angered Death.

When Isis finished explaining, Sadie looked as dumbfounded as Anubis did. She said quietly, "Oh Gods."

Isis nodded. "Anubis wasn't the only one who insisted so. All of us were grieved and eventually hungry for vengeance, but we couldn't do a thing. The..." She hesitated. "We were hugely out matched by their God."

"This makes me think twice about celebrating Christmas." I said.

The boat rocked violently. We drifted into the hot dry skies of Cairo.

Why Cairo, you may ask? Well, since the gods "left", we discovered that the only place they could consciously channel their power through magicians was Egypt. This was becoming a problem, however, as increasing numbers of magicians learning the path of the gods from around the globe kept opening portals to get into Egypt. Luckily, we were alone.

"So, what do we do now?" I asked Isis.

"Simple. We find Anubis and lock the memories."

I blinked. "What? Just like that?"

Sadie seemed as startled as I was.

"But that can't be right." She said, frowning. "We need to talk some sense into him first. Or try, at least."

I couldn't see Isis, but Sadie's frown deepened. After a moment's hesitation, Isis replied, "You don't want to see what happens when religions conflict with each other."

I gave Sadie a look that was intended to say, 'Pretend to trust her for now and improvise later, OK?"

She nodded. I have no idea if she understood me.

After we made sure nobody was around, Sadie became the Eye of Isis. I could see her more clearly than ever, just a step below reality, in the shallows of the Duat. They said a lengthy spell which ended with a firework-like spark shooting into the sky.

After a few minutes of waiting, Isis proclaimed, "Got him."

We got back on the boat and flew into the sandy hole in empty space.

* * *

**I'm grieved to inform you that I will put this story on indefinite hiatus. I was going to make this a beginning of a huge idea that I had concerning an impostor in the place of God (capital G) and the Egyptians getting the real one back, but alas, my interests have been drawn elsewhere. Blame William Joyce.  
**

**If anyone wishes to continue this story, feel free to do so. Just let me know, it would be of so much help.**

**Have a nice day. Don't let the trolls get you.**


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